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<title>You're David Fucking Niven! by hypothetical_otters</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220357">You're David Fucking Niven!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypothetical_otters/pseuds/hypothetical_otters'>hypothetical_otters</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Thick of It (TV), Utopia (TV 2013)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Non-Graphic Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220357</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypothetical_otters/pseuds/hypothetical_otters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie Macdonald: gone but not forgotten by the civil servants in the Department of Health. </p>
<p>(Note: This is a Utopia fic that mentions characters from The Thick Of It.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You're David Fucking Niven!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s late. Far too late, really, for Alex to be in the office. But, as usual, there’s a massive cock-up that needs dealing with, so he’s still here. He doesn’t mind, well, he would much rather be at home with his family, but it could be worse. A massive cock-up, under a Labour government, meant a visit from the communications team. Ministers getting sworn at and civil servants getting caught in the line of fire. This particular Tory government, well Tory and Lib Dem government, are trying to foster a good working environment. Which, luckily for Alex, means memos and carefully worded emails, not in person threats. Even after someone, possibly a minister, possibly not, orders the wrong vaccine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex is the last person in the office. Just one last thing to do, and then he’s out for the weekend. No need to come back until monday. Five more minutes, and he’s gone. It’s a good plan, he very nearly sticks to it, except he can hear something. Outside, down in the lobby, loud enough to carry and echo around the building: a scottish man shouting at someone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are not fucking friends, Geoff. Okay? I don’t like you. I’d go so far as to say I hate you. I despise you. Every time I see you, I feel physically sick.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, Alex has, by way of being entirely unremarkable and unelected, avoided the caledonian Mafia. But, like most people in Westminster he has overheard a bollocking or two and heard stories from people who’ve had the displeasure of meeting Malcolm Tucker. Even the stories leave an impression. He’s never met Malcolm, or Jamie MacDonald, but all those stories, not to mention hearing the yelling echoing around the Department of Health, means he has a healthy fear of any accent north of the border. He knows, without a doubt, that Jamie is not in the building. He knows, without any doubt, that Jamie is not in the building, that Jamie has not been in the building since before the last election. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Alex hears Michael Dugdale, whom he has met on many occasions and noted the uncanny resemblance to Jamie (in looks only, Michael has been perfectly pleasant), screaming at the minister, and Alex forgets all of these facts and thinks that the Caledonian Mafia is back. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Geoff has never had the pleasure of meeting Jamie MacDonald. He will never cross the table, and so will never end up with Malcolm Tucker or Jamie bollocking him after a simple mistake. He’s heard stories; the department’s civil servants breathe an audible sigh of relief after the election and the tories move in, regardless of their personal political affiliation. They no longer have to deal with the Caledonian Mafia. Well, not for another four years at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Michael’s more than passing resemblance to Jamie only entertains for a day or two. Michael promptly proves that he is nothing like Jamie, and the resemblance is a coincidence. Geoff is aware of the similarity, and once he confirms that Jamie will not be after him for using Michael, sets in to blackmail him into joining the network. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Geoff forgets about this until he’s in a field with Michael. Five million euros is more than fair, he thinks, to get Michael out. Even if Michael does want to take his ever expanding family with him. He forgets about that family, until Michael starts shouting. He forgets that not everyone is part of the Network because they believe. Once he remembers this, he is not surprised when Michael punches him in the face and keeps punching. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he is left alone, in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere, Geoff remembers Michael’s doppelganger. He wonders if those civil servants and advisors back in Westminster would be surprised to know Michael had snapped, in almost but not quite the same way as the Jamie of their stories. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No one asked for this fic. Not even me. </p>
<p>Michael and Jamie are not really similar enough for this fic to work, but shhh. </p>
<p>Dialogue is from Utopia, title is from TTOI. </p>
<p>I don't own TTOI, that is the BBC. I don't own Utopia, that would be Channel 4.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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